In My Ass (2018)
In My Ass 2018 was the eighth edition of the annual In My Ass event, held on August 12, 2018. The show was highlighted by Dynamite Derek defending the World Heavyweight Championship against J-Pac, The Pranksters taking on the team of Chance and Drew Thunder, and Kurt Angle putting the United States Championship on the line against Muhammad Hassan in a Submission match. __TOC__ Background In the main event of the biggest Fest of all time, Dynamite Derek closed the event for the first time since the twelfth installment with the World Heavyweight Championship. However, not everyone was celebrating at the biggest celebration of the year. Despite his efforts, J-Pac found himself defeated in a gripping contest against The Undertaker. J-Pac didn't hesitate to point the finger of blame at Commissioner Barkley for what he considered to be shoddy officiating. Most notably, he addressed the one moment in particular where he had The Phenom pinned for at least four three counts while he claimed Barkley deliberately took his time in making the count. J-Pac would go on to claim that Barkley has continued to strip him of his dignity and that a partisan commissioner should have never been permitted to officiate his match in the first place. After J-Pac demanded that the commissioner make things right, Barkley addressed the situation by informing his insubordinate employee that there was nothing to resolve between the two. J-Pac responded by suggesting that if Barkley didn't make amends that there's a chance a certain significant investor may withdraw his financial support from SvR06. With his back against the wall, Barkley inevitably acquiesced by granting J-Pac the opportunity to qualify for the World Heavyweight Title in a match against former champion Drew Thunder and Chance. J-Pac would come up on top against the two, and at this point took the opportunity to inform Commissioner Barkley that he played right into his hand. J-Pac will challenge Dynamite Derek for the championship, but according to the challenger, it will be the last time the two ever face off. J-Pac has promised to leave SvR06 at In My Ass, and in exchange for everything he claims Barkley has taken from him, he plans to take the coveted World Heavyweight Championship with him when he goes. Dynamite Derek would confront J-Pac as the two signed the contract for this title match of massive proportion. The champion admitted that the two have been through a lot together. From first joining forces to form J-Factor, to their wars during the era of Pac Rules, and teaming up once again to take on Triple H and Upper Management. After all of their ups and downs, Dynamite Derek informed J-Pac that he's always considered him a friend. But he would continue by pointing out that there's only one of them who didn't whine when they lost to The Undertaker at the Fest and didn't try to tarnish everything that has brought them to this point. Instead, he dusted himself off and worked his way back to the top. The reigning champion confessed that J-Pac may take the title from him at In My Ass, but implored him to do the honorable thing if that happens. J-Pac conceded his mutual respect for Dynamite Derek, but suggested that he not take any disrespect when he takes the title from him and probably smashes it with a sledgehammer. On that note, Dynamite Derek concluded by stating that he has no choice but to stop J-Pac by any means necessary. In a moment many thought would never happen, The Pranksters put the band back together and triumphed in their return match at Diaz's Fuck Fest XIV. At the same event, the fragile alliance between then-World Heavyweight Champion Drew Thunder and Chance was put to the test in their Triple Threat match against Dynamite Derek. Unfortunately for them, neither walked away with the title around their waist. Riding the wave of momentum, The Pranksters announced their intentions to prank their way back to the top of the tag team division by once again becoming the World Tag Team Champions. This news didn't sit well with The Master of Drew-Jitsu or SvR06's self-professed Golden Boy, who dismissed The Pranksters as a nostalgia act while suggesting that they are the ones who deserve to be wearing gold. In true Pranksters fashion, the two would later respond by dousing Chance and Drew Thunder with gold paint, giving them their opportunity to wear gold. Although Goldust and Diamondust told him that they thought the color looked good on him, Chance was not amused. For this, he requested the two be placed in a match with The Pranksters to soften them up. When they failed, Drew Thunder and Chris Masters took the liberty of kicking Chance's VIP Section to the curb. Fortunately for Goldust and Diamondust, Nateflix and Ben Unhinged made their way back to the ring to fend off the hounds before any further damage could be done. Chance and Drew Thunder left the duo with a parting message that they'll do worse to them at In My Ass, and they assured them that they aren't joking around. After spending a year away from SvR06, Kurt Angle returned in a big way to end the equally long United States Championship reign of Muhammad Hassan. In response to Hassan actively attempting to prevent non-Americans from earning opportunities for the gold, Angle emphasized that he won't back down from any challenge. Meanwhile, the King of America lamented his defeat at the hands of Angle's patented ankle lock. Most of all, Hassan claimed to feel betrayed by his country after seeing the outpouring of support for Angle at the Fest. With that, Hassan announced that the king was dead. However, from the ashes of his kingdom, Hassan ominously claimed that a plague will rise and desolate all in its path. Hassan would later put words to action when he ambushed the Olympic gold medalist, targeting his rival's neck before locking him in a devastating Camel Clutch that caused Angle to pass out. Following the heinous attack, Hassan would later inform Angle that he intends to take him up on his claim that he won't be turning away any challenger. At In My Ass, the former champion guaranteed to lock Angle back in the Camel Clutch and win back his United States Championship because the two will face off in a Submission match. He concluded with a solemn reminder that if Angle passes out like he did before, it's still a loss under Submission rules. Everyone was left shocked and stunned when "Macho Man" Randy Savage's Intercontinental Title defense against Chris Jericho concluded with fellow Mullet Club member Scott Steiner costing Savage the championship. Steiner would elaborate that he had spent the past year of his career taking bullets for Savage and that he was done being a human shield. At Memorial Day Madness, Jericho faced Macho Man in a championship rematch, this time in a Steel Cage to prevent any outside interference. Savage was ultimately successful in regaining the coveted gold once again. Following the massive victory, it was announced that everyone would be invited to join the Macho Man in ringing in his most recent reign with a live celebration. Instead, the audience was treated to Scott Steiner in a Randy Savage costume making a mockery of his former ally. During the disrespectful display, the impostor Macho Man noted that he used to shill meat, but that he just couldn't "keep it up" anymore. Instead, he'll now be the official spokesman for Viagra. As Big Poppa Pump continued to make unsavory cracks about Savage's age, he dropped the facade to state that the fact of the matter was that Macho Man is old news and that he didn't have what it takes to compete with a genetic freak like him. Never one to take being made to look ridiculous lightly, Savage would bark back that Steiner was the dead weight of the Mullet Club and that he was more than happy to throw that weight around if the moment arose. That desire was granted to him when it was announced that Scott Steiner would receive an opportunity to prove himself at In My Ass when he faced "Macho Man" Randy Savage for the prized Intercontinental Championship. As part of the most dominant trifecta in SvR06 history, both individuals unquestionably learned much about each other as competitors. How that will play into their championship clash has yet to be seen. With help from an unlikely source by the name of Mike Tyson, DEFAULT pulled off arguably the biggest personal victory in his career when he defeated Walter P. Wiley in a Loser Leaves Town match. As Walter was dragged out of the arena kicking and screaming, it appeared that his career of depravity and debauchery was finally at an end. DEFAULT, on the other hand, appeared to be better than ever. With his eyes set on once again reaching the golden apex of SvR06, things were looking up for the youngest member of the Wiley family. That was until his matches began being interrupted by the hassling presence of Johnny the Surrogate. With his nauseating, droning rasp, Johnny would continue to harass DEFAULT, providing a constant distraction that kept him off his game. Due to Johnny's regular use of the word "prick," DEFAULT had a pretty good idea who was giving the surrogate his marching orders, in spite of the fact that Johnny continued to claim that he was working by his own will. He would also continue to refer to himself in third person, which further increased DEFAULT's suspicions. Nevertheless, DEFAULT concluded that the only way to shut him up was to beat him up at In My Ass. Can the black sheep of the Wiley family manage to overcome the black cloud that hangs over him once again or will his actions come back to bite him in the family jewels? The Diaz's Fuck Fest XIV pre-show saw the unveiling of Dr. Steven Richards sex-addicted patient The Big O. In an impressive showing, he managed to dethrone Tajiri and become the new Hardcore Champion. In the time since, the Japanese Buzzsaw has admitted that he let his emotions get the best of him after Big O made numerous advances towards his ladyfriend Torrie Wilson. The Big O, despite being satisfied with proving just how hardcore he could get, felt that it just wasn't enough. Tasting championship gold was great, but as he informed Tajiri, it's Torrie that he really wants to taste. As if his advances weren't revolting enough, he added that Tajiri likes to spew at his opponents but that the only thing that makes him spew from his head is thinking about Torrie. Infuriated, Tajiri demanded a rematch for the Hardcore Championship but The Big O continued to duck out on the challenger. It was some time later that The Big O would be secretly approached by Torrie Wilson, who admitted that she has actually been infatuated with the Hardcore Champion ever since she laid eyes on him. She gave him her hotel key and informed him that she would be waiting for him in the shower. Big O eagerly entered Torrie's room later in the evening, looking to get lucky with Ms. Wilson. Instead, he opened the curtain to find a shower cap sporting Tajiri and received a face full of green mist. Upon hearing about the incident, Dr. Richards informed Tajiri that The Big O would agree to put his Hardcore Title on the line at In My Ass, but this time, they'll be taking it to the tables and going all in as the title is defended in a Tables match. The Andre the Giant Paternity Test Battle Royal brought out some of the largest competitors to ever set foot in the squared circle. However, it was Count Out who managed to come out on top after dumping Big Show over the top rope. This victory left little doubt in everyone's mind that Count Out was truly the son of the Eighth Wonder of the World. That is, everyone except Big Show. The World's Largest Athlete claimed that the newly-christened Count Out the Giant was only victorious at the Fest because he did all of the heavy lifting. Big Show felt that if the count was truly the heir to the giant like he claims to be that he could prove it with his abilities. Firstly, the two competed in a wine drinking contest. Although Big Show came close to breaking Andre's record, he eventually passed out drunk before he could take another sip. While laying unconscious, the devious Count Out revealed that he'd not been drinking wine but rather a crimson viscous liquid that are sponsors have prohibited us from identifying as blood. While Big Show was knocked out, Count Out counted to ten while standing over the sleeping giant. In their second competition, the two squared off to see who could deadlift the most weight. While this contest seemed to favor Big Show even more than the last, everyone was stunned when Count Out once again held his own. Eventually, Big Show pushed himself so far that he collapsed under the weight and was pinned to the ground by the bar. It was at this point that Count Out the Giant revealed yet another ruse when he unveiled that the weights he'd been lifting were phony. Once again, the Transylvanian export added insult to injury by counting Big Show down for ten seconds. Fed up, Big Show offered Count Out one more challenge that he wouldn't be able to manipulate. The arena would be that which Andre's skills were the most unmatched. Inside of a wrestling ring. At In My Ass, Count Out the Giant will have to truly earn his namesake against a 500-pound gargantuan. Will the vampiric offspring of Andre manage to finagle another victory or will Big Show have his way with the count? Results To reach the top of the mountain in SvR06, a competitor must put everything on the line and potentially gamble it all away to achieve their dreams. You must call the bluff of your adversity, no matter how high the stakes have been raised. To hit the jackpot, one must go all in. On this night, a resilient champion must put everything he fights for on the line against a man he’s considered an ally as well as an enemy. An America hero must defend the honor of his country by squeezing the will from his adversary’s bones. And a reunited pair of hooligans must stake their claim for once again reaching the apex of their industry. It’s either win big or crap out at In My Ass! Kicking the night off, Tajiri looked to clean The Big O out at the tables as he attempted to give his opponent wood and win back the Hardcore Title. After the incessant sexual advances made toward Tajiri’s special ladyfriend, Torrie Wilson, the Japanese Buzzsaw especially fired up. While the size differentiation primarily played to Big O’s favor, Tajiri ultimately managed to dive onto his prone opponent to win back the Hardcore Championship. Following Walter P. Wiley’s removal from SvR06 at the hands of DEFAULT, we were graced with the presence of Johnny the Surrogate. Despite his claims that he was working off the clock, he wasted no time in making life miserable for DEFAULT. Given the rumors that he was once quite the dynamic dude back in his day, Johnny proved to be a worthy opponent for the Wiley youth. Fighting back from a devastating Ace Crusher, DEFAULT managed to land a Funny-5 and pick up the win while Johnny appeared to argue with himself. Backstage, Intercontinental Champion “Macho Man” Randy Savage was discovered laying unconscious, leaving the status of his title defense against Scott Steiner ambiguous. In the meantime, Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin had made their way to the ring and seized microphones. The World’s Greatest Tag Team took the opportunity to dismiss the entire tag team division as a joke, from The Pranksters to The Shithouses. After claiming that they intended to start earning their deserved respect tonight, they were unexpectedly met in the ring by the duo of Bumbo and Bimbo the Caveman. The Uncivilization took little time in picking up the win over the opponents, effectively proving themselves to be a force to be reckoned with in the tag team division. Since unleashing his bitter new attitude, Muhammad Hassan has become more dangerous than ever. This was especially evident as he looked to win back the United States Championship from Kurt Angle in a grueling Submission match. Despite claiming that he wouldn’t be held responsible for what he did to the Olympic hero, Hassan unleashed an onslaught of offense targeting Angle’s surgically-repaired neck. While the devious tactic appeared to be effective, Angle countered by targeting Hassan’s previously damaged ankle and forced his autocratic adversary to submit once again to the decisive hold. Since winning the Andre the Giant Paternity Test Battle Royal, Count Out has worn the surname of “the Giant” with pride. However, to truly prove himself worthy of the mantle, he would have to overcome the giant challenge of the 7-foot, 500-pound Big Show. Count Out the Giant has spent weeks outwitting his opponent, and after provoking the mammoth Big Show, the Transylvanian native found himself being propelled in every direction on the outside of the ring. In Big Show’s overzealousness, he lost track of the referee’s 10-count, allowing Count Out to take advantage and sneak back into the ring for the countout victory. After the incident regarding Macho Man, Commissioner Barkley entered the ring to make his announcement on the situation. He confirmed that Savage was involved in an accident and would be unable to compete for an unspecified amount of time. This news would provoke Scott Steiner to join Barkley in the ring. Big Poppa Pump, in an incendiary fashion, accepted his former teammate’s forfeit and demanded to be crowned the new champion. Barkley corrected the challenger and informed him that he will still compete tonight for the title, but instead it would be against the third member of the Mullet Club, Scott Hall. Steiner used his unmatched strength to dictate the pace of the match, but with a timely inside cradle, Hall managed to score the pinfall and the Intercontinental Championship. The Pranksters have had nothing but momentum behind them since reuniting. All the while, the newfound alliance of Chance and Drew Thunder have been looking to get back on the horse since losing in their championship main event at Diaz’s Fuck Fest. Getting in the heads of their opponents, The Pranksters lampooned their past lives as Disco Drew and D-Rob. While the mind games temporarily took them off their game, their devious tactics proved successful as Chance pinned Ben following an undetected shot below the belt. It seems this once fragile alliance may possibly be on the same page moving forward. In the main event of the evening, the storied saga of Dynamite Derek and J-Pac reached the point of no return. Defending champion Dynamite Derek, fighting to preserve the symbol of everything he’s fought for, and challenger J-Pac, declaring that he will immediately leave SvR06 with the gold upon winning it. With the battle line drawn, all of the history between the two was left at the door as they both put everything on the line for the right to be champion. Once the referee inevitably found himself caught in the crossfire, J-Pac brandished the sledgehammer that he threatened to smash the title with. Before he could put it to use, Commissioner Barkley intervened to stop his insubordinate employee. At this point, the champion stepped in, reminding Barkley that he intended to win this on his terms and no one else’s. The disruption allowed J-Pac the opportunity to strike at his opponent, landing several critical blows. With the referee coming to, J-Pac locked eyes with Commissioner Barkley before planting Dynamite Derek into the mat with a J-Factor to capture the World Heavyweight Championship. Everyone looked on in astonishment as J-Pac gave his final bows and left the arena with the championship in his possession, leaving Commissioner Barkley to contemplate the weight of the situation and the role he had inadvertently played in it.